Table of Contents
Introduction
How has travel helped me heal from toxic relationships? Whether platonic or romantic, relationships (sometimes toxic relationships) can be both complex and smooth. These days, the internet is flooded with advice: how to be a good friend, how to attract the right man, what red flags to watch out for. And now, with social media and AI shaping how we connect, it sometimes feels like genuine human interaction is slowly disappearing.
I started travelling over ten years ago, after my struggles to get my British passport. It all began with my desire to move to Singapore as a student and see the world. I’ll never forget preparing for the Life in the UK test and the joy of finally receiving my passport. That journey was the beginning of something bigger. Travel has become my ultimate form of therapy.
Yes, I still do the classic type of therapy too, but there’s something about travel that hits differently. It takes me out of my comfort zone. It forces me to slow down, reflect, and just be. Especially when I travel solo.
Over the last few years, I’ve realised how much I enjoyed travelling, and especially living abroad. It has helped me recognise toxic patterns and begin to see them, and importantly, heal from them.
It had been months since I quietly removed myself from a group that drained me more than it poured into me. I wrestled with guilt, loyalty, overthinking, and the fear of choosing myself, especially as a Black woman who’s often expected to be “strong,” “resilient,” and “understanding” or “that we are overacting.”
I’ve always craved deep, long-lasting friendships and relationships. That desire often made me stay in spaces longer than I should’ve, ignoring red flags, making excuses, and minimising my own needs. But I got tired. So tired. Tired of shrinking. Of always being available. Tired of people projecting their insecurities onto me. There misery on to me, it was becoming soul sucking.
I became tired of being the one who was always there, the one to lean on. While constantly minimising backhanded compliments and dimming my light to keep the peace.
Travel didn’t erase the pain. But it gave me distance. Space. Real time to kneel in prayer and speak with God. It gave me a new perspective, one where I could finally see people for who they truly are. And most importantly, it helped me heal.
If you want to use travel to breathe, reset, or heal, I see you. This September, I’m running a Solo Travel Challenge to help women like us reclaim our joy, one trip at a time. Save your spot today.
1. Travel Gave Me Distance to See Things Clearly
When you’re surrounded by constant noise, WhatsApp chats, fake jokes, subtle jabs, passive aggressive statements. It’s easy to lose track of what’s real. People try to dilute your reality. They will say “oh maybe it wasn’t like that”. And when you try to explain how something made you feel, it’s often met with minimising or gaslighting, all hallmarks of toxic relationships, as described by experts.
Travel has given me back my inner voice.
Sitting alone at a juice bar in Florence, journaling with no interruptions, I felt something shift:
“I’m not confused. They really weren’t my people.”
Toxic relationships usually involve jealousy, subtle control. Passive-aggressive remarks, where they are harbouring unresolved hurt. The judgement masked as concern. The intrusive nosiness. I could finally name it all. Travel didn’t change the facts, it made the truth louder. Again and again travel helped me heal from toxic relationships. I started to stand still and hear myself. This is so much louder when I travel solo. Traveling solo for healing gives me the clarity I never knew I needed.
For the first time, I was acting from truth instead of reacting from confusion.
2. Travel Boosted My Self-Worth
I’ve travelled to nearly 60 countries, some solo, some in groups, some with family, and even in relationships. Each trip taught me something about myself. And it has always come up that travel continues to be one of my key sources.
During a recent trip to the Dominican Republic, I reminded myself:
I’m not too much. I’m just enough. And what’s “normal” for me is valid, even if others don’t understand it.
I used to stay silent about things that didn’t sit right. I feared rejection, defensiveness, or retaliation. The people pleaser in me got the better of me, honestly. I didn’t always know how to leave relationships that drained me, and I constantly second-guessed my instincts.
But travel showed me otherwise. It gave me confidence to speak, to share my truth, and to observe how people responded. It reminded me of my worth.
I no longer need to dull my light. I don’t need to shrink to be accepted. I’m allowed to live freely, boldly, and authentically.
3. I Learned the Beauty of Selective Energy
Travel taught me to protect my peace. When you’re on the road, your energy becomes sacred. You learn to trust your gut and choose peace over performance.
In India, I shared a meal with travellers who genuinely celebrated one another. No one talked over me. Some tried to humble me. But in all of it I felt seen and heard. It was a trip where I realised why I love to travel in smaller groups of in my most perfect way – solo. It also reminded me that:
Genuine connection doesn’t require performing. It doesn’t demand over-explaining.
These days, I’m more intentional with who I keep around me. And honestly I am so grateful for the people that I have left behind or have walked away because it was so necessary. And now. If someone drains me, tries to dim my light, or makes subtle jabs. I remove myself quickly. No drama, no need for announcements. And certainly no explanations.
4. I Made Space for Healthier Connections and Left Toxic Relationships Alone
Once I let go of toxic relationships, what wasn’t serving me, the right people began to show up. The group trips and random conversations in Morocco, Senegal and Singapore, to women I’ve connected with through book clubs, faith and shared passions of travel. I’ve found genuine friendships that are rooted, soft, and secure. And genuine.
Letting go isn’t failure. Sometimes, (most of the time) it’s your biggest breakthrough.
There’s a Japanese proverb that says:
“If you get on the wrong train, immediately you realise it, get off at the next nearest station. The longer it takes you to get off, the more expensive the return trip will be.”
And I’m so glad I either jumped off that train, or that they made me get off theirs. If my light, speaking up, my lifestyle, or mindset makes people uncomfortable, then maybe I was never meant to ride with them.
Now, I’m choosing relationships where I don’t have to tone myself, shrink myself down for someone else’s ego.
5. I’m Still Travelling & Healing, But I’m Not the Same
I won’t lie. Sometimes I miss the old jokes, the familiarity, the history. The time spent. But I don’t miss the passive aggression. The tension. Quiet judgments. The second-guessing. And I definitely don’t miss abandoning myself to keep others comfortable. That wasn’t kind to myself and I see that so clearly now. Toxic relationships are no fun but travel has helped me return to myself.
I’m still healing. I will also stay healing. But I’m no longer who I used to be. I’m softer. Stronger. And I no longer beg to be in rooms that don’t value me.
Final Views on How I Use Travelling for Healing
Travel helped me heal from toxic relationships indeed. It has shown me that I needed to see toxic relationships for what they were. And people for who they truly are, which has given me clarity of who I needed to let go of. And when they have wanted to let go it’s always been a blessing in disguise. When your morals are not rooted in toxicity you have to always see it as a blessing.
I’ve travelled with people who revealed who they truly are. Where they have only wanted to see what they can gain from me. I’ve walked away from relationships that weren’t rooted in love. And I’ve done the hard work of choosing myself even when it truly hurt.
Travel has given me space to reflect, grow spiritually, and honour the truth. But more than anything, it’s helped me leave behind the version of myself who tolerated too much for too long.
If you’ve ever used travel to breathe, reset, or travelling for healing, I see you. And I promise, there’s beauty on the other side. I’m a true living example of walking away from people and toxic relationships that no longer serve you and setting boundaries not only protect you but keep the peace.
How about you? What ways have you found on how to heal from a toxic relationship?
If you want to use travel to breathe, reset, or heal, I see you. This September, I’m running a Solo Travel Challenge to help women like us reclaim our joy, one trip at a time. Save your spot
With love,
Adebola MBV <3
