It always seems impossible until it’s done – Nelson Mandela
I was going to title my first blog post: “Disappointed with my lack of consistency.” But then realised that the title would’ve been a little too harsh. My boyfriend reminded me that being disappointed with myself wasn’t where I should be, so I instead titled it ‘Feel the Fear & Do it Anyway.’
Many people ask me when I was going to relaunch the blog. I came up with excuse after excuse like, ‘I think too many people are in the game now’ or ‘I don’t think blogging is for me’ … This, of course, we’re all just excuses I made to not follow my passion for writing and telling my story. Very truthfully, it was also a cover-up of what was going on in my life.
Without going into too much detail, I was in a bad place and blogging was the least of my concerns. Thankfully, I got the help that I needed. I hope one day I can write about it because I know there are several people who could benefit from some help.
For a long time.
I would torture myself by constantly thinking *negative* thoughts that were destructive and frankly didn’t help me with my life. I would focus on feelings of regret like: I wish I had started my blog while living in Singapore, or I wish I didn’t keep stopping and starting and just kept going. It was pure agony. I felt like I had failed so many times to the point where I reached a standstill: I got too afraid of trying again and relaunching the blog.
I know I shouldn’t but for some annoying reason, I felt like I should be disappointed with myself. Disappointed for being inconsistent, disappointed for allowing life to push me into quitting the blog… You see, life did get to me. It got to the point that I had to stop blogging. Relinquishing it all felt like some form of peace.
It was only much later that I realised taking a step back and removing myself from the situation would be the better option. Not only for myself but also for my loved ones.
And so, I escaped. I escaped from all of it and once I was out, I realised I had no reason to be disappointed with starting my blog again.
I did a lot of thinking and understood the truth which is: I am only human. I have bad days and I have good days. On my bad days I slow down, and I am no longer guilty of slowing down! In fact, I’m glad I did. I needed to take the time out to reflect and grow. Sometimes it is good to start again. It means you are coming back stronger, wiser and a whole lot better!
Since I’ve been gone, I have grown mentally and spiritually. I relaunched this website, I’ve started a platform called Black Travel Creators and I even managed to organise a travel event (with the help of Wandurlustcalls of course!). I’ve done so much behind the scenes and I now feel like I needed a place to share who I really am.
I am coming out of my shell again. I’m so hopeful for both myself and My Breaking Views.
My Breaking Views is back once again, still trying, still going and nothing is going to stop me!