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Why Let Society Dictate When You Get Married?

‘Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie has said in her famous books -“You must never behave as if your life belongs to a man. Do you hear me?” “Your life belongs to you and you only”

As you can already see, keeping my political mouth shut is becoming extremely difficult for me. I haven’t written in nearly over a month, which on my part is very disappointing. 

Why Let Society Dictate When You Get Married?


I chose to start MyBreakingViews because I wanted to bring a platform. To light for young people to express their own political views; and me being me, I’ve always seen politics as real hard core politics- you know things that happen in parliament but I am now having to take on a broader scope and tell myself that there are more political things out there Ade! So I’m going to shed light on other political issues that bother me as a young women within a cultural atmosphere. And that’s the politics of young women feeling pressured to get married. 

Yes I can see some people already rolling their eyes (here we go again) some even possibly asking why?! Why am I even talking about this “people already talk about this”. Please hear it from my point of view because I think everyone’s story is different. I am also sure that there are a lot of women and possibly men who by the end of this article. Can totally relate to everything I’m saying. 

You are getting old

I recently turned 25 and I mean literally recently. For many young girls, that is the ideal age for marriage (at least that is the opinion of many people). In my parent’s generation, it would be seen then as a real tragedy if I wasn’t married at 25! Sadly to some degree. Despite the fact that a lot of our parents are not together, despite the high number of broken marriages. And despite the fact that some women (and men) actually don’t want to get married. Many societies still make it an issue that marriage at a young age is a huge priority! There are now so many new opportunities for women. BUT today, it is still seen as a complete failure for a women not to be married at a young age in a vast number of cultures – whether African or Asian.

Now why is that?! Why is it a custom that every young women should not only be married at a certain time and if not, to aspire to? Of course being in a Christian marriage is something that I see myself doing. Of course, when the time is right. But there is still some stigma and pressuring of young women to make marriage a life time goal! Why?! Have our parents not learnt from their own mistakes? 

Have they not seen that chasing your dreams. And being ambitious as a women can and is a hugely beautiful and amazing thing? So good for the time we are living in now and can benefit you in the long run?

It really saddens me that I see girls younger than me stressing over the fact that they are not yet married. When there is so much more out there to see in this world. 

Live your life

What if you as a women lived your life. I mean really lived your life and didn’t have to bother for one second what a man would think?! How beautiful would that be? What if you travelled, saw the world, grew in your career and loved life for yourself? Would that make you less of a women because you are not aspiring for marriage?

Don’t get me wrong there are people that are married at my age, even younger than me. That was their appointed time. I just hate to know that there are young women out there believing that they are nothing. Just because they are not yet married- because that’s just isn’t true!
You are a beautiful woman and you should choose to live your life for yourself and not for any man. When it’s your time, when the time is right for you, it will come, I promise you.


Read also: My first award: Liebster Award!

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The EU: In or Out?

Mr Cameron said: “It is time for the British people to have their say. It is time to settle this European question in British politics.”

So our Prime Minister David Camron had promised to hold an EU referendum if he won the 2015 general election of which he did!

We only have a few weeks to go before the referendum commence and honestly the topic of the EU has become more and more tedious to me daily. Yes, I am exhausted with wait and anticipation on what is going to come on the 23rd June.

What is to come, when you and I are go to our local ballot stand and cast our daring vote!

Now I don’t know where you stand at this particular moment but I would love for you all to share your views on why we should stay or even leave. But for the purpose of this post I have chosen to remain as neutral as possible.

Some us may know already that the E.U. has faced numerous challenges in the past… economical downfalls, bailouts, laws/ regulations that are heavily placed in the U.K and the most discussed about migration!

But what exactly is going on?

On the 23rd June you and I will be able to make a choice on the fate of the British membership within the E.U. In the referendum you will be given a choice and hopefully you have thought long and hard on this choice and if you haven’t, hopefully I may be able to help you – so do keep reading, I will keep it short and sweet and I promise you it won’t be much longer.

“Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union?”

Should we leave?

I am unable to directly answer that question. What I will say is that it is clear that the country is fairly evenly split, much of the public want to leave simply because they feel as if they are being held back by the EU, the main reason or principle for having the membership if for “free movement” and that has been removed because of the membership within the E.U. It is awful how the European Union are seen to impose to many rules on businesses and to make things worst, we are charged billions of pounds to remain in the E.U. for little or hardly any return. Why would anyone want to stay?

It doesn’t stop there! The number of people coming to this country is becoming ridiculous, numbers are growing and many feel that it is time to take full control of its borders and reduce the number of people that are coming to the U.K “They are only taking all of our jobs!” It’s no longer fair on the rest of us.

Should we remain?

Then of course there’s the other side, there has been arguments that Britain’s status in the world would be seriously damaged should they leave the E.U. and that we are certainly more secure within the club of 28 countries. More so, some of the public that do believe that quite rightly, the EU helps boost the economy. Those for remaining in the E.U. believe that immigration has helped and continues to fuel the economy.

Soo there we have it; I have mentioned here the most important aspects of the arguments being sure to keep to my promise. See I told you that I would keep it short and sweet!

Regardless of the outcome, the question that lingers in my mind is would we be better in or out? I ask myself this daily. As a country we have been within the E.U since 1975 (before some of us had even been born!) I still wonder what it would be like for us young people. I suppose it depends solely on where you are looking at it. Now the real question is: Are you in or out?

You decide.

Will you be voting in the referendum?

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We need more speeches like that of Jesse Williams

Let’s face it, we have all experienced racism at some point in life – whether you are white, black, yellow or green.

Memories…

I remember so clearly as a young child growing up in a predominately white area; recall knocking on my friend’s door for him to come out and play. I could see that the TV was on but no one came to the door. To cut the story short, my friend came to me the following day at school to apologise and say that his brother hated black people and that’s why the door wasn’t answered. I was only 11 then and simply laughed it off. What else could I do?

This short story brings me to discuss The BET awards that happened last week. More and more events have become more politicised! Isn’t it just great? It goes with exactly what I’ve been saying- which is, everything is politics … (within reason of course) There is a sense of black politicians arising, standing and becoming more and more unapologetic. I wish I had the sense to do at that young age. So because of my failure to stand up for myself when I had the chance, I’ve decided to open up a new page of political entertainment. So do read on.

Last Sunday was the BET awards, which had a lot of shocking performances. Beyoncé (my queen) and Kendrick Lamar’s opening performances. Ushers performance “Don’t trump America”. There was an underlying message being clearly displayed here don’t you think?

Jesse Williams who plays Jackson in the famous series Grey’s Anatomy spoke with integrity, displaying facts calling out and stating that we are not alone.

I watched his speech more than once. When he won his humanitarian reward, his speech was more than powerful, it was political. It stood for the political movement of black lives matter and touched me when he said:

“What we’ve been doing is looking at the data and we know that police somehow manage to de-escalate, disarm, and not kill white people every day. So what’s going to happen is we are going to have equal rights and justice in our own country, or we will restructure their function in ours. …

Yesterday would have been young Tamir Rice’s 14th birthday. So I don’t want to hear any more about how far we’ve come when paid public servants can pull a drive-by on a 12-year-old playing alone in a park in broad daylight, killing him on television and then going home to make a sandwich. Tell Rekia Boyd how it’s so much better to live in 2012 than it is to live in 1612 or 1712. Tell that to Eric Garner. Tell that to Sandra Bland. Tell that to Darrien Hunt.”

He spoke up not just for the audience that stood up and clapped for everything he said but everyone of black skin (like myself) that still today fights the prejudice, discrimination and hatred of racism!

You don’t need me tell you he was right because you know that he was! It is about time that we unite and speak out for what is right! Using music to get the message out is just one of the ways we can do that. There, of course, needs to be more said and more done, we still have a long way to go and we can do it!

We, therefore, need more speeches like that of Jesse Williams.

Peace peace. Thank you, Debra. Thank you, BET. Thank you Nate Parker, Harry and Debbie Allen for participating in that {video}.

Before we get into it, I just want to say I brought my parents out tonight. I just want to thank them for being here, for teaching me to focus on comprehension over career, and that they make sure I learn what the schools were afraid to teach us. And also thank my amazing wife for changing my life.

Now, this award – this is not for me. This is for the real organizers all over the country – the activists, the civil rights attorneys, the struggling parents, the families, the teachers, the students that are realizing that a system built to divide and impoverish and destroy us cannot stand if we do.

It’s kind of basic mathematics – the more we learn about who we are and how we got here, the more we will mobilize.

Now, this is also in particular for the black women in particular who have spent their lifetimes dedicated to nurturing everyone before themselves. We can and will do better for you.

Now, what we’ve been doing is looking at the data and we know that police somehow manage to deescalate, disarm and not kill white people everyday. So what’s going to happen is we are going to have equal rights and justice in our own country or we will restructure their function and ours.

Now… I got more y’all – yesterday would have been young Tamir Rice’s 14th birthday so I don’t want to hear anymore about how far we’ve come when paid public servants can pull a drive-by on 12 year old playing alone in the park in broad daylight, killing him on television and then going home to make a sandwich. Tell Rekia Boyd how it’s so much better than it is to live in 2012 than it is to live in 1612 or 1712. Tell that to Eric Garner. Tell that to Sandra Bland. Tell that to Dorian Hunt.

Now the thing is, though, all of us in here getting money – that alone isn’t gonna stop this. Alright, now dedicating our lives, dedicating our lives to getting money just to give it right back for someone’s brand on our body when we spent centuries praying with brands on our bodies, and now we pray to get paid for brands on our bodies.

There has been no war that we have not fought and died on the front lines of. There has been no job we haven’t done. There is no tax they haven’t leveed against us – and we’ve paid all of them. But freedom is somehow always conditional here. “You’re free,” they keep telling us. But she would have been alive if she hadn’t acted so… free.

Now, freedom is always coming in the hereafter, but you know what, though, the hereafter is a hustle. We want it now.

And let’s get a couple things straight, just a little sidenote – the burden of the brutalized is not to comfort the bystander. That’s not our job, alright – stop with all that. If you have a critique for the resistance, for our resistance, then you better have an established record of critique of our oppression. If you have no interest, if you have no interest in equal rights for black people then do not make suggestions to those who do. Sit down.

We’ve been floating this country on credit for centuries, yo, and we’re done watching and waiting while this invention called whiteness uses and abuses us, burying black people out of sight and out of mind while extracting our culture, our dollars, our entertainment like oil – black gold, ghettoizing and demeaning our creations then stealing them, gentrifying our genius and then trying us on like costumes before discarding our bodies like rinds of strange fruit. The thing is though… the thing is that just because we’re magic doesn’t mean we’re not real.

Thank you.

Racism is still live!

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Do You Really Need A Travel Bucket List?

Do you have a travel bucket list?

Take a moment to think about that… have you ever written down a place you would like to go and found that you have gone there? I have to say I really do enjoy reading posts with peoples dream destinations, bucket lists and travel wish-lists. But do you think it’s important to have a ‘Travel Bucket List’?

There’s been a lot on social media, you know, about how a certain female travel blogger has recently completed all 196 countries in ‘record-breaking’ time. Read the full article here – World at her feet Female traveller, 27, visits all 196 countries in record time… but it cost £170,000

MyBreakingViews Thoughts

However, sometimes you need to feel a country, breath the same air as the local people and understand the culture. I mean there is no strict timeline on how long you should spend in a country, nevertheless what is the point if you can’t talk about the feel of the country?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past few months it’s that for every country you visit and for every person you speak to; you want to visit more places.  I think I want to travel to at least one country in every continent around the world and it looks like I will hopefully do it. It has become a competition in my head. Can I tick off ‘X’ amount of countries by my 30th birthday? I most certainly will.

Countries I have been too…

I’ve lived in Singapore, visited Australia, Cambodia, France, Germany, Hong Kong, Iceland, Indonesia, Italy, Japan, Laos, Malaysia, Morocco, Nigeria, Philippines, Saudi Arabia, Spain, Taiwan, Thailand, United Arab Emirates, United States and Vietnam. I would say 24 Countries before I’m 26 is pretty damn good. But then I take a step back and have a moment of thought. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do LOVE TRAVELLING, seeing the world and all! However, travelling isn’t just about jetting into a country, spending a few hours there and then jetting out, just so you can tick it off a list. I have been a victim of this, I’m SORRY!  Travelling has now changed for me… I want to eat good food, see pretty sites, and do things I will never forget. Oh and stay somewhere nice. That is always a PLUS.

There are so many places I would like to revisit, you know look at the land with a fresh pair of eyes, the older version of myself.  I would love to go back to Singapore; I seriously fell in love with the food, the culture, the people and the landscape, not to mention the sunshine. I say that sat in the snow right now!

I lived there it was my home it became my place of refuge. Whilst, living out there, there were so many things I didn’t do and see and what a ridiculous concept that we would consider not going back to see more because it would perhaps compromise my chances of not adding another number to my running tally. I have this concept when I visit the US – everyone knows that every state is like a new country, but it still is the same country, so although I can’t add a new country to my bucket list. I can most certainly say I have seen a few places around the world.

A Travel Bucket List?

I do have a bucket list and with a full time job, I have honoured myself 1 big country and 1 European country a year far so good, then everyone around me knows how much I love travelling so always invites me along and I end up going to about 5 countries a year. Well next month I will be going to Coachella so I am praying that my bank balance will stretch me to 5 countries this year, but if it doesn’t, I will make sure you know about the festival!

Any request let me know! What are your thoughts? Do you have a travel bucket list?

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FOR NOW, IN MY OPINION, “SLAVERY HAS NEVER BEEN ABOLISHED”!.

Such a bold statement: yet once you have read my article and watched this powerful documentary, you will most likely share the same opinion. In the light of Black History Month and with the American (USA) elections approaching, I recently decided to take some time out and watch a documentary called 13th (only shown on Netflix as far as I am aware – do correct me if I am wrong). One thing I did learn immediately was that Slavery was and has never been abolished – yes in my opinion.

Carry on reading why I believe slavery is still alive.

Director Ava DuVernay produced the documentary called 13th. It challenges and even dismantles the collective idea that we as a world believe in the word “progress”.

How does one define progress?

The 13th amendment: “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States.”

What does this mean?

The definition above gives the assumption that American citizens are protected under the Constitution – yet when you watch this powerful documentary you begin to understand that really and truly, slavery was and has never been abolished in the USA! It has quite simply been amended to fit into the purpose of the people in charge of the so called free world.

A chilling fact is that the USA is home to 5% of the world’s population; yet 25% of the world’s prisoners are in the USA, with an even greater percentage either on probation or on parole! And guess what colour the vast majority of these prisoners, etc are? The percentage of black people, compared to their total population in the USA – men and the  poor in particular, who spend their lives in prison, on probation and on parole, was and is still horrendous. Simply put, the number and proportion of Black people imprisoned, on probation or on parole is higher than any other ethic group – even though Black people are less than 20% of the total population of the USA!  Some of the more damaging effects are that large numbers of households are headed by single women – resulting in even more children growing up without fathers or father-figures; thus creating the perfect storm for perpetuating more poverty, poor education, lack of upward social mobility and consequent future incineration and recidivism! To think that the numbers are continuously rising is extremely disturbing!

The Documentary

The documentary covers the inescapable and undeniable connections of the legal and political systems to the mass incarceration of black people. It goes far back to the time of slavery and up to where we are now – with civil rights for black people. While it’s fair to say that the system appear to have changed, with you begging to under the use of language like you learn that there hasn’t been any real change in that the essentials and spirit of the legal and political system are still very much the same – keeping black people as “criminals”, and in chains! Its only more complex now; but the historical examples of slavery are still happening today! You and I still live in an era of slavery!

13th goes deep into breaking it down as to why this still happens and what the benefits are to the community of captors. One word – and that is profit! Which is exactly what it was all about during the era of slavery. The present private prison system earns millions in profits for its shareholders, simply from the head count of prisoners. So, its in the interest of the managers, shareholders and other beneficiaries to lock up as many people as possible – be it Black, Hispanic or anyone else who doesn’t fit “the real American agenda! “

13th is not just a documentary, but a demand. It is demanding that we know what has happened and how much our world hasn’t changed. Like I said in my last article, black history month: what for? With the American election fast approaching (on Tuesday November 8, 2016), it doesn’t matter now who you vote for; the constitution and laws still stand!

Unfortunately, our history is still exactly the same, only now just a different use of language!

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